Heteronormative comment from an unexpected source

My mother-in-law used to say to my son: "You're going to make some lucky girl very happy someday!" I used to quickly add "...or some lucky guy!"

Consequently, my mother-in-law has ceased saying this...which is fine by me.

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Recently, I got email from our friend J that contained this comment about our son:

"Looking at some of his pics on your site, wow, he is really growing! And boy, is he going to have to juggle the too many women that are going to fall at his feet!"

I get that this is a compliment. She's saying that our son is beautiful. I happen to agree.

The problem is that I find myself endlessly bothered that J assumes he'll be straight. To make this assumption is to reinforce the idea that being straight is normal and that to NOT be straight is abnormal, aberrant or...well...crooked. Slightly off. Slightly wrong.

Here's the kicker: J is a lesbian.

J is older than I am by about 15-20 years...so maybe it is a generational thing? Am I expecting too much?

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Follow-up: Thanks. Yep. Over-reacting. Letting it go. :)

"Girl Stuff"

When we visited Minnesota for Thanksgiving, my 5-year-old nephew, Ben, saw me bake cookies, change diapers, and feed Simon. Looking very contemplative as I shaped cookies onto the baking sheet, he asked me:

"Do you do a wot of giwl stuff, Unca' Dabid?"

"Ben, sweetheart, there's no such thing as 'girl stuff,' or 'boy stuff.' Men and women can be teachers, firefighters, doctors, rocket scientists, or hair stylists. Men and women can cook, clean, care for children, and bake delicious cookies. Except for a couple of biological things, there's almost nothing your Mom can do that your Dad can't...and there's almost nothing your daddy can do that your mommy can't."

[Long pause while Ben thinks this over]

"Wot awe th'biowogical things girls can do that boys can't?"

"Women can make babies in their tummies. Men can't do that."

[Long pause while Ben considers this]

"wot awe th'biowogical things boys can do that girls can't?"

"Boys can comfortably pee while standing up."

[Short pause]

"Why can boys do that and giwls can't?"

"Boys have penises that make it very easy to point what direction their urine goes in- just by pointing the penis."

"But...giwls have *vaginas*!"

"Yep. You're right. Girls have vaginas."

"But a vagina is just wike a penis!"

"No, Ben. A vagina is not just like a penis."

"Wot does a vagina wook wike?"

[Pause while David considers an answer which is both true and simple enough for a 5-year-old to grasp]

"Well, you know how your penis and testicles stick out of your body?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well, for girls, the important parts are tucked away inside their bodies, so there isn't a lot to see from the outside. I think you know that, though- you've taken a bath with your sister."

"Oh yeah. Dat's wight!"

I later repeated this conversation to my brother, Andrew, Ben's Dad. First, Andrew was perfectly satisfied that I gave Ben truthful, simple, and appropriate answers. Second, he was impressed that I actually satisfied Ben enough that Ben elected to stop asking further questions. This, Andrew tells me, is the real accomplishment.

Me, I was just pleased to reinforce the idea that there's no such thing as "boy stuff" or "girl stuff."

On the Safety of Other People's Kids

So we had some friends over for New Year's Eve. Among them, Angela and Patrick with their 5-year-old daughter, Maggie (not their real names).

We love Angela, Patrick, and Maggie. We were thrilled that they came.

Midway through the evening, Angela decided to storm out because several things (which I didn't and still don't understand) had upset her. It wasn't until today that I found out that *I* had done one of the things that had upset her.

Shortly after they arrived, I was pulling miniature pizzas from a 500-degree oven when Maggie came into the kitchen and came very close to the open oven to see what I was doing.

"Maggie, sweetheart- could you please step back? The oven is very hot and I don't want you to get hurt."

Maggie leaned in closer and I'd much rather risk hurting her feelings than risk her getting burned, so I made my voice more stern and louder.

"Maggie, step back please."

Maggie continued to lean in and I got a little more frightened of the prospect of a burned 5-year-old. I stopped what I was doing, leaned closer to Maggie and looked directly in her eyes to make sure I had her attention as I spoke to her in a calm, clear, loud voice.

"Maggie, take three steps backwards *right now*. It isn't safe to stand where you are."

Finally, another adult noticed what was happening and gently pulled her back away from the oven.

Satisfied that Maggie was safe, I finished what I was doing and didn't think about it again.

Liz tells me much later that this upset Angela because she doesn't like it when someone says "no" to Maggie or does something contrary to what Maggie wants.

Here's the thing: If someone needed to hurt my son's feelings in order to keep him physically safe, I'd be furious if they *failed* to hurt his feelings.

I'm confused and concerned about this...and not entirely sure why. Any thoughts?